


The Other Man

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 08:34:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2766578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merrill's first time with Hawke is less than stellar, she finds herself falling into a torrid affair with the one man he hates most: Gamlen. Kink-meme prompt that got away from me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Gamlen sat at the bar, swishing the ale in his glass. He preferred drinking in the Blooming Rose any other place in Kirkwall. The workers respected him, knowing stories of his obscene drunken parties that had padded the retirement funds of those who came before them. Even now in his impoverished state, he found himself still receiving favours from time to time. His reputation proceeded him, after all.

However, he was currently disregarding an advance by a new worker, trying to listen in on the conversation mere paces from him. Knowledge was power in Lowtown and while he suspected that Isabela and Merrill would have very little actually useful information, he might be able to have a few more barbs to throw at his self-righteous nephew. And really anything that might make his nephew blush was golden to him.

The pair had just sat down, ordering a few drinks before Isabela had leaned forward, conspiratorially, grinning. 

"So you have to tell me what happened last night," she giggled, "I saw Garrett today, he was walking so tall, I thought he might hit the ceiling."

Merrill blushed, "Must we talk about that here? In the brothel?"

Isabela waved around, "What better place? Besides, I like it here. The seats are comfortable and it's the best place in Hightown that would let us in. Besides, it has that fruity drink you like."

Upon receiving said sweet concoction, Merrill took a happy sip and nodded. 

"Okay," Merrill said, leaning forward, "So I went over there last night after our big fight, I told you about that, right? So we were just yelling at each other and, well, he just kissed me and I just...well, I went along with it. I'm crazy about him and it was all just so...romantic."

"So you slept with him? Merrill, I'm so proud of you, you finally popped your cherry!"

Merrill blushed further, drinking deeply into her glass.

"So how was it? Angry sex is always fun."

Merrill shrugged and said, "It was okay."

Isabela raised her eyebrow, "Okay? That's it? Come on, kitten, it's me. You can give me the sordid details, I'm not Aveline. Did it hurt, that's natural the first time."

"No, I mean...it was okay," Merrill admitted, "It didn't really last that long and it didn't hurt or anything. I just...it didn't really leave an impression, you know? He seemed to really enjoy it. Maybe I just don't like sex?"

"But you wanted to enjoy sex," Isabela commented, "I mean, granted, there are some people who aren't interested in sex or enjoy it...but you just seem disappointed."

"I guess I am," Merrill admitted, "I mean, I see how it could be fun, but it was over so quickly. I didn't even bleed or feel sore, maybe he's just...small."

"He was probably nervous," Isabela reassured, "It's not like he has a lot of experience either. Give it some time."

"Maybe," Merrill said softly, "I really like him and I really want to like it. Maybe it'll get better. Thanks, Isabela. I feel a little better."

Isabela gave her hand a squeeze, "I'm sorry it wasn't what you were hoping for. I'm sure one day you'll look back and laugh at it."

Merrill giggled, "That would be nice."

At the bar, Gamlen took a drink, trying not to laugh. Which was incredibly difficult. He couldn't help but imagine Merrill's stunned face after Garrett rolled over, probably impressed with himself. The cocky son of a bitch when he had nothing special between his legs and clearly had no idea what to do with it. 

He almost felt pity for the poor girl, glancing over. It was a shame. He liked most of Garrett's companions. They had so little family left, he didn't mind accepting them into the fold. He had always a soft spot for Merrill. He had kept an eye on her when she first moved into the Alienage, making sure the locals generally left her alone. She had even visited him once or twice on her own, even after the Hawkes went back to the Amell Estate. The poor thing barely had a bronze piece to her name and she had worried about him having enough to eat. He had fed her himself and sent her back with smoked ham and cheeses himself. Poor kid. His nephew wasn't even feeding her right, never mind getting her off. 

She wasn't unattractive though, certainly, he thought. She had matured beautifully over the past few years, really growing into her face. She had been just a teenager when he had first met her, but he could see her blossoming into a rather lovely woman. He looked back at his glass, wondering how much he had drunk, but upon confirming to himself that he was indeed not wasted, he grinned to himself. He paid off his tab and headed home, a spring in his step as he planned out the evening ahead of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite knowing exactly what he had going for him, he was still nervous walking over into the Alienage. He had shaved, put on his best clothes and broke into his small amount of cologne. He had only in passing glanced at the mirror, but he knew he was not unattractive. He could almost be handsome. 

He knocked at her door and Merrill answered cheerfully, dressed only in her night clothes.

"Hello," she greeted, "What are you doing over here? Is everything alright?"

"I'm just fine," he smiled, "Just passing through the neighbourhood and I saw your light was still on. Just thought I'd say hello."

"How nice of you," she smiled, "It is rather late though, I imagine you'd want to get home. Perhaps I can get you something to drink before you go? I have...water and some very inexpensive wine."

"I'm sure it's better than I have at home," he laughed, "I'd love a glass if you're offering."

Merrill waved him in, picking up her robe. She wrapped it around her before going into her cold room for the wine. He made himself comfortable on her lounge, adjusting the top buttons on his shirt before she returned, the bottle and two mugs in hand.

"Sorry," she apologized, "I don't get many visitors here, I'm not very good at entertaining."

"Your home is lovely," he said, glancing at the elven trinkets on her mantle, "You've done a lot over the years."

"I've tried," she said, pouring the wine into his mug.

"It's not easy living in Lowtown," he commiserated, "It can be hard to make it feel like home."

"You could always move back in with the Hawkes," she said kindly, "I'm sure Garrett would be happy to have you."

"He hasn't even invited you to live with him and he actually likes you," he chuckled, "I don't think he would be thrilled to have me."

Merrill looked away, embarrassed.

"Sorry," Gamlen apologized, "My nephew is rather prudish. I'm sure he'll get over himself soon enough and make you an honest woman yet."

"I hope so," Merrill muttered, drinking from her mug, "Though from what he was saying last night, maybe not."

He raised an eyebrow and she apologized, "Sorry, I've been drinking."

He sighed and took her mug away, "You shouldn't be drinking more then."

"I'm not drunk," she protested, "I can walk in a straight line and everything. I just mean you probably don't want to hear bad things about family."

Gamlen chuckled, putting her mug on the floor, "I've certainly heard worse."

Merrill smiled, "You're very kind to me, popping in like this. I was a little lonely tonight, after Isabela dropped me off. We were talking for so long, but I still felt...a little sad. It's nice to have some company."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" He asked in concern.

"Oh no," she shook her head, "Just...a little disappointed. I guess I was being silly. You build things up in your mind and then they don't happen like you think...romantically, I mean, I just meant..."

She blushed and stood up.

"Maybe you should go before I say more embarrassing things about myself."

"What were you hoping to have happen?" He asked, coming to stand by her. 

He cupped her chin in his hand, lifting it slightly to look at him. He could feel her trembling beneath him and she said nothing, her breath growing faster.

"A pretty thing like you," he murmured, "You should have everything you desire. Nothing should be spared. A man should be utterly devoted to your every whim."

She whispered, "I think you should go."

"I think you want me to stay. Let me give you what he can't."

"He loves me," she protested.

"I don't think you're looking for love right now."

"Then what do you think I want?" She whispered.

He put her hand on his cock, growing hard beneath his trousers. Her eyes widened and he grinned. He had her now. 

He kissed her hard, pulling him into his arms. She panted beneath his lips, pulling at his shirt. He undressed her quickly, carrying her over to her makeshift bed. She tried to take off his shirt, but he pushed her down, pushing her legs open before kissing down her sex. She gasped in shock as he thrust his tongue in her, taking his time to explore her, to get her used to the sensation.

"Creators," she groaned, "I didn't even know you could do that."

He smirked, his cock throbbing at her words. He continued his task, sucking on her clit as his thumbs stroked her lips, his tongue lingering in her as he worked. He tasted her as she came into his mouth, gasping and moaning as her thighs clamped down around him.

"What was that?" She panted.

"Just a taste," he grinned, rising from her. 

He returned to his task, working harder until she came again, her back arching to meet his body. As his mouth grew tired, he rose and she whimpered at his absence. He took off the rest of his clothes, tossing them on the floor. She rested on her elbows, staring at his naked form.

"That's...going to fit in me?" She asked, almost fearfully.

He looked down at himself, pleased. He grinned as he returned to her side, wiping his mouth before kissing her. He pulled her thighs around his hips, the tip of him teasing her entrance. He slid into her carefully and upon hearing a soft moan, he pulled her into his embrace before moving inside of her. She was hot and tight around him and pleasure rippled through him at the mere feel of her.

He looked down at her face, her lips trembling. He kissed her reassuringly, holding her head before moving again. She whimpered, her body grinding against his as he thrust. 

"Is this how he had you?" He asked, chuckling.

"He didn't hold me like this," she admitted, sighing as she put her arms around him. 

"Did it feel this good?" He asked in a growl.

"No," she whispered, burrowing her face into his neck.  
He wanted her on top of him, to see her body writhe as she used him to her will. But he doubted she would feel comfortable being in control quite yet. He flipped her over to her knees, entering her from behind. He held onto her hips possessively as he thrust, his hand coming forward to touch her clit. She buckled at his touch, pushing into him as she groaned.

She moaned, "Please...oh Creators, don't stop."

He felt her shake around him and he nearly came undone. But he had more work to do. He wanted to give her the night of her life. He wanted to make her ache, make her unable to walk. He focused on her body, ignoring his own pleasure as best he could. He kept pushing into her, deep and hard, until her legs shook and she fell forward, slipping from him. He let her lay on her side as he pushed her legs open, once again taking her into his mouth. He loved the taste of his skin against her, her sex warm and pulsing. She moaned, her hand coming to her breast unconsciously to play with her nipple. She came once more and his desire for her grew too much. He needed to bury himself inside of her. Now.

He slipped behind her, pushing himself into her as he brought her leg over his hip. He breathed into her neck, his teeth grazing her skin. He rubbed at her clit, hearing her moan and shake as her orgasm continued. As her body throbbed around him, he growled, pushing himself into her as he came undone. She gasped in shock at the feel of his seed in her and she caught her breath, trying to regain control of herself. 

He slipped out of her, pushing her down into the bed as he knelt over her, his cock still somewhat hard. 

"That's what you deserve," he whispered, "And that's what he can't give you."

She groaned, "This was wrong, I shouldn't have...this can't happen again, not ever again."

Her words rang false and they looked at each other. He grinned before kissing her lightly. 

"We both know that's not true."

He dressed quietly and left without another word, a sense of satisfaction filling him. He still had it.


	3. Chapter 3

Merrill woke the next day, her knees still shaking from the night before. It had felt like a dream, an utterly inappropriate dream. She looked at herself in the broken mirror, seeing her body differently than she had before. She felt...desirable. She ran her hands over her naked body, remembering how it could feel, the trembling of her body. An orgasm. That's what they had been, what she had been told about all this time. She had tried a few times to reach it herself without success. But having someone there, someone inside of her...

She blushed. She needed to see Garrett. Now that she knew...well, maybe things would be better. This might have just been...a lesson. An educational lesson. She paused, glancing over her body. She definitely needed a bath first.

Even as she poured the water for her tub, she couldn't get the images of the night before out of head. Even now her sex throbbed, desperate for me. After entering the bath, her fingers already went to her clit, trying the same movements as Gamlen had the night before. With a little effort, she found her body clenching down, the pleasure not quite as intense, but still delightful. Grinning, she continued cleaning herself. Maybe it wasn't just him. Maybe it would be better this time.

When she felt clean enough, she dressed quickly and skipped over to the Estate. It would be better this time, she promised herself. 

She got to the door, eager to see her boyfriend. Garrett smiled upon seeing her, kissing her sweetly. Her body ached pleasantly as his touch, her heart racing with excitement as they whispered that they loved each other. She practically chased him up the stairs, tearing his clothes off before they had a chance to make it through the door. 

And yet...

She lay there afterwards, trying not to frown. Before it had been okay, now it was utterly disappointing. He wanted to be on top of her, but she didn't straddle him. He hadn't touched her, he had kissed down her neck, but it had been light and sweet. It had only lasted a few moments and she could barely feel him inside of her, not when she had been filled so completely the night before. Immediately after he spent himself, he had kissed her and left her side, wanting to clean up. She half wanted to cry. She had tried to give some direction, but he was focused entirely on what he was doing, barely noticing she was still there.

When he came back, he curled into her. He said he wished she could move in, but his mother would be so disappointed with him living with a woman outside wedlock. He would try to get her to understand, he promised. But they could take things slower now. They loved each other, they had made love. They were committed to each other, in body and soul. That was enough for him and the Maker.

Merrill loved him for the sentiment. She loved his voice as he said it. She loved the feel of him beside her when he held her. That would be enough, she promised herself. He would get better. It had been better this time, she assured herself. Just practice. Sex wasn't everything, after all. 

She left after dinner, kissing him softly on the doorstep. She walked home alone, passing through the rest of Lowtown on her way back to her house. She paused, slowing as she walked past Gamlen's house. She hated herself as she opened the door and walked in unannounced. He pushed her against the wall, kissing her furiously. She threw herself into the kiss, pulling her own panties down in time for him to push into her. He held her thighs around him, thrusting his hard cock into her, pounding her against the wall. She panted, his hand protecting her against the wall, his teeth biting her ear before he grunted, "I knew you'd be back."

oOoOo

She managed to stay away a week. She kept herself busy at the Estate, spending time with Leandra to try to win over her prospective Mother-in-Law. She drank at the Hanged Man with the others, lying to Isabela about how much the sex had improved and how happy she was. The entire time, she tried to avoid Gamlen's house, walking every other way back home. It was wrong. She loved Garrett. She adored him. He would keep her safe in this city. Maybe one day they would marry and they'd have little children. She could picture it clearly, vividly. She even tried to think of it sometimes during sex, trying to remember how much she loved the man above her, his face twisted when he came inside of her, sputtering and whispering how beautiful she was. 

But one day when she returned to the Estate, he wasn't there, simply leaving a note that he had taken Leandra on a weekend away. He would be back in a few days and that she should feed the dog. Disappointed, she did as he asked, patting Max before preparing to leave. The servants were all gone, there was no reason to stay.

But as she opened the door, she saw Gamlen there.

"Is Leandra in?" He asked, "I was going to surprise her with lunch at Chez Henri."

"They're away for the weekend," she said, "You'll have to come back later."

"All of them?" He asked in surprise, "Has he left even you, pet? Did Mommy not want his girlfriend to not come along?"

"He didn't tell me," she admitted. 

"Will you be lonely, having the place to yourself?"

"I was going to go back home."

"That'd be a shame, wouldn't it?" He murmured, stepping into the house and closing the door, "All of this space, all of these beds..."

She blushed, "You shouldn't be in here. It was a mistake."

"Technically two mistakes," he murmured, kissing the nape of her neck. 

She leaned into his touch and she admitted softly, "I'm trying. It's better and I love him. That makes it better than..."

She gasped as his fingers slipped past the top of her skirt, brushing against her sex.

"You're wet just at the sight of me," he whispered.

She turned, kissing him desperately. 

He scooped her into his arms, carrying her up the stairs. They tumbled into Garrett's room and they barely made it into his bed before her clothes were strewn on the floor. 

"Tell me you need me," he moaned as she pulled off his pants.

"He can't make me come like you can," she groaned into his mouth, "I need you in me. I need you in me. Now."

"Not yet," he teased, pushing her thighs apart. 

He kissed down her sex before licking around her clit. She moaned wantonly, his hands reaching up to grab her breasts.

"He doesn't do this to me," she whispered, "He doesn't make me feel like this. I've only ever gotten off once when he's inside me. I thought of you doing this. I thought of your mouth on me. I thought of your tongue inside of me. I thought of you, I thought of shaking around you, your hands on my thighs. Creators...Creators, this is so wrong."

She came, screaming, his fingers pinching her nipples. He brought her into his arms and laid back. 

"Get on top of me," he ordered, "I want to see what you want from me."

She did so, panting as she pushed herself around him. She moved slowly, her knees shaking as she tried to push back down on his thick cock. She moaned.

"Touch yourself," he commanded, "I want to watch you."

She flushed, doing as he asked. He reached around grabbing at her ass, his fingers digging in as he rose to meet her, his lips on her breasts as they bounced before him. 

He groaned into her skin, his fingers digging deeper as she slammed him into her, her orgasm splitting through her, every fibre of her aflame as she screamed. 

"Yes," she groaned, "Yes! Yes!"

She rubbed harder, grinding against him. As her legs gave out, he flipped her onto her back, plowing into her hard. She touched herself in the small space between them, her body still shaking as he came, biting down hard on her shoulder. She gasped, trying to catch her breath. She kissed him hard before pushing his head down. He laughed as his mouth returned to her sex, sucking on her clit, his thumbs touching her lips as his fingers dug into her thighs. She could see his seed on his lips, knowing he was tasting both of them as his tongue slid inside of her. 

She surprised herself as she moaned, her hands grasping desperately at his hair. He worked harder until she shook, exhausted. He spooned behind her, his fingers on her tender sex as his other hand rested on her breast.

"I'm not through with you yet," he groaned, pressing his softened cock against her ass, "I'm going to finger you until you can't move. Then when I'm hard, I'm going to screw you in his bed. I'm going to come inside of you and you're going to scream my name. You're going to scream my name until your voice gives out. I'm going to have you again and again until he comes home. And when he finally comes back to you and he puts that poor excuse of a cock inside of you, you're going to remember what I did to you. You're going to come just at the thought of me inside of you. Then when he rolls over, you're going to come back to me and I'm going to do it all over again."

She groaned, feeling his breath against her neck as he promised her everything. She shook around his fingers, clenching until she ached. Soaking wet and tender, he pushed himself back into her, pounding into her as she called for him, sore and satisfied as he spilled into her. She fell asleep, exhausted, the man beside her holding possessively onto her.


	4. Chapter 4

Merrill made her excuses to Garrett when he asked her over that night. She had spent most of the day trying to get ready, primping and preening in front of the mirror. She simply said that she was having a girl's night out, knowing Isabela would unquestionably back her up and ask no questions. 

When she finally felt ready, she bundled herself in her coat and walked to Hightown, passing guiltily by Hawke's Estate on her way to the Blooming Rose. 

She entered in, feeling absolutely disgusted with herself as she looked for Gamlen. He was already at the bar, chatting happily with the Madam. Merrill felt embarrassed, but she went forward to them.

"Ah," Gamlen said, putting his arm around her, "This is the girl I've mentioned. Is everything prepared for her training this evening?"

Merrill went bright red and looked at him in panic.

"Of course," she grinned, "We have you set up in the Paradise suite. If you'd follow me."

Merrill grasped his hand, holding on in fear as they walked to the back of the establishment. They were let in and the door closed behind them. Gamlen took off her coat, revealing her naked form. She had spent hours doing her makeup, moisturizing and scenting herself. She felt an ache go through her as he looked over her form.

"You've done well," he stated, smirking, "Are you ready?"

She nodded, glancing over at the other three couples, already entwined with each other. He took off his own clothes before kissing her. 

"Don't do anything you're not comfortable with," he murmured in her ear, squeezing her hand.

She nodded before kissing him. They stood, kissing softly before she felt another's lips on the back of her neck. She turned, seeing a human woman behind her. Her heart fluttered as she turned and kissed her in return. Her lips were soft, gentle, and her hands reached into her hair playfully. She felt Gamlen's hand protectively on her hip still as she reached down, touching the other woman's sex. They pressed against the wall, touching the other gently. She felt Gamlen pressed behind her, his cock hard against her. She thrust her fingers inside the other woman, her moans hot in her ear as Gamlen pushed himself inside of her. She groaned, feeling the woman shake around her fingers. The other woman knelt on her knees, taking Merrill's sex into her mouth as Gamlen thrust slowly and shallowly in her. Merrill came, shaking and the woman grinned, kissing her softly before leaving. 

She whimpered as Gamlen pulled from her. She looked over, seeing him get on his knees behind another woman and entering him. She watched the pleasure on his face, hearing the woman cry out as he pummeled into her. She watched jealously, touching herself as he watched her enter her again and again. A man came to her side and she kissed him, letting him push her against the wall before entering her. She sighed happily, watching Gamlen over her shoulder as she heard him grunt. She came just at the sight of him, the other man thrusting hard into her. She could feel him growing close and she closed her eyes. She felt him withdraw and return, a layer of material now between them. She adjusted to the feel before he came inside of her, moaning into her shoulder.

She looked over, seeing Gamlen now with a second woman, the first lying sated and happily beside him. His face was strained now, his fingers trying to hold onto her. He pulled from her, his mouth now on her sex. Merrill watched, pushing aside another woman trying to touch her. She knelt behind Gamlen, her hand touching his cock as he pleasured the woman before him. She heard her gasp, whimpering and he turned, pushing her onto the floor. Merrill moaned loudly into his neck as he bucked into her, nipping at her skin as he thrust. He paused, tossing the sheath between them away before plunging back into her.

She knew the others' eyes were on her, but she didn't care. She needed him to continue. She thought she might die if he didn't have her there and then. They came together, the only time they ever had. She felt herself cry slightly, tears trickling down her face. The others continued, but they lay together in each other's arms. 

"You've done well, pet," he murmured, his cock softening inside of her, "Let's go home, shall we?" 

"I want to still watch," she whispered.

He chuckled, pulling her onto the bed as they lazily watched the others. They left in due time and after he touched her, gently until she relaxed beneath him, they fell asleep in each other's arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Merrill woke suddenly, remembering where she was.

"I have to go," she whispered, "I'm supposed to be at the Estate already. Creators, I've overslept!"

Gamlen rolled over sleepily and she kissed his forehead before grabbing her clothes and rushing out the door. She wished she had time to bathe and change, but she knew it would be more suspicious for her to be so late than to be a bit dirty. She lived in the Alienage. No one expected her to be smelling like a daisy every minute of the day.

She made it to the Estate twenty minutes or so late, panting at the door as she tried to catch her breath. She went bright red when Leandra opened the door and saw her there.

"Hello," she said curtly, "I imagine my son is expecting you in his study. Perhaps you would like to...freshen up before then?"

Merrill skirted past her and went to the bath, gratefully washing her face. She looked up in the mirror, looking for any tell tale signs. She was getting better at hiding these things. And truly, it had been nearly six months. If Hawke hadn't figured it out yet, there was a good chance he wasn't going to find out.

She startled when she saw Garrett come in behind her, holding her closely.

"Happy Anniversary," he smiled, kissing her neck. 

She smiled in return, turning to kiss him. 

"A year," he chuckled, "I can hardly believe it. We're so lucky, aren't we? 

Merrill was skeptical that he was counting since their first kiss, as if had been weeks after that before they had even gone on a date and months before they had told each other they loved them and before...

Merrill flushed. She had almost been with Gamlen the entire second half of their relationship. 

"Are you alright, my dear?"

She nodded, "Just a bit tired. I was working a lot of the night."

"I can tell," he said kindly, "Why don't you go have a nice bath? I have a picnic all ready for the two of us. Mother's having a few people over for dinner and she wants us to come along. I think she's really going to try, Merrill. So...we'll try too. She does like you, you're just not what-"

He didn't finish the sentence, but she could finish it for him. Her son was a handsome man, faithful to the Chantry, rich and royal, and free of the magic that had cursed his father and sister. She on the other hand was a Dalish mage. It took some adjusting to. 

"She'll come around," he promised, "Come on then. Bath. But don't you get dressed right after, I have a surprise for you too. I'll send Orana in."

He kissed her before leaving the room, a moment later his elven servant arriving. Orana was quiet and kind, but Merrill only had to look at her to be reminded the difference between her and the man who loved her. She tried to relax in the bath and not think about the night before.

When she was finished, Orana returned, bringing a beautiful blue silk dress. Merrill's face glowed when she saw it and dressed quickly, admiring herself in the mirror. She had seen this shopping with Isabela. He must have asked her. She remembered how expensive it had been and promised herself she would take extra special care of it. A pair of delicate white shoes accompanied it and she wore them awkwardly, still unused to anything but a thin pair of boots in the winter. She fixed her hair and went back down the stairs, seeing Hawke beaming at her. He met her at the landing, taking his hand in hers.

"You look stunning," he whispered, kissing her hand.

She flushed and followed him outside, a carriage awaiting them, already packed for the day. She felt like a princess as they went off towards the countryside, her lord beside her, holding her to him as if she were truly precious.

They ate in a field of flowers, talking for hours. They made love in the grass and while it was not physically satisfying, emotionally it filled her. He was trying, even attempting to go down on her, though he had stopped a moment later, giggling. She loved him for trying. He was a Chantry boy, through and through. He would apologize and say that when they were married, he would give her his all. It was just difficult for him to truly be with her yet. 

It was driving her crazy. She wasn't in a rush to get married as a Chantry wedding didn't really mean much to her and it wasn't like the Keeper would be thrilled to bond her to a human. But just...she wanted more. Was that so bad?

They returned in the early evening, happy and content. Hawke had gotten her a second dress for dinner and she went upstairs to change, feeling spoiled. This gown was cotton, dark green like her eyes. It felt warm, but managed still to show her arms and a decent amount of cleavage. This one she definitely did not see with Isabela, but she still liked it, even if it was something she never would have tried on. She redid her hair and came back downstairs, hearing the others chat amongst themselves. 

Leandra met her on the landing, kissing her on both cheeks. Merrill flushed at the gesture and let her lead her into the dining room.

"I thought we have a couples night in," Leandra said smiling, "I've invited the Seneschal over for a date and Gamlen is bringing over a new beau of his. I thought it would be fun. A few drinks, perhaps we can even play a game of cards or two."

Merrill literally had no words to respond. Dumbfounded, she simply nodded, trying not to smile too awkwardly. New beau? The Seneschal? What was happening? Was this some sort of bad dream? What in the Creators name was happening right now?

She stood as the Seneschal entered, holding a bottle of wine for Leandra. He awkwardly kissed her on the cheek and sat across from Merrill. They smiled at each other politely as Leandra left the room, apparently greeting the others. They both stood as the four returned. Hawke escorted his mother in and Gamlen escorted in a young elven woman, heavily made up, with a charming giggle. She looked over at Bran, who went pale as a ghost. 

"This is Serendipity," Gamlen smirked, "My lover."


	6. Chapter 6

Serendipity looked only at Bran, her eyes absolutely beaming. He looked at her, sighing slightly before clearing his throat and returning his attention to Leandra. They sat down together, Hawke beside Merrill, Gamlen at one end, Serendipity on the other side beside him, Bran beside her, and Leandra on the other end.

Leandra apologized, "We normally have more leafs, but one recently broke and we've had trouble finding matching wood."

Merrill looked away, coughing. She had broken that leaf. Well. Gamlen had some part of it too. Which clearly he remembered by the way he grinned.

"No trouble," he said cheerfully, "We can all be cozy together." 

He kissed Serendipity's hand and she smiled politely.

"Shall we eat?" Leandra said, "Orana has prepared a wonderful meal for us tonight. We're celebrating. I'd told this is a special date for my son and his lady love. One year young Merrill has been in our family. It is lovely you are all here with us."

Hawke placed his hand affectionately on Merrill's knee, rubbing it slightly. She wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. 

The meal was quiet besides a few caresses and cuddles between Gamlen and Serendipity that made both Merrill and Bran want to jump over the table and throttle Gamlen. Leandra talked. And talked. She flirted with Bran, oblivious, which made Merrill think that at least Hawke got his naiveté honestly. She talked about how okay she was with Gamlen dating an elven woman, again quite oblivious to many facts about Serendipity, but also clearly not okay with it. 

When the evening meal was done, the four guests were invited to the parlour. They sat staring at each other for a time and Merrill sat beside Hawke, holding desperately onto his hand in an attempt at pretending everything happening at that moment was completely normal.

Leandra excused herself, pulling her son with her, seemingly quite angry. The other four sat politely, Gamlen grinning to himself.

Once the door was completely closed, Bran snarled, jumping over the sette to punch Gamlen in the face, held back by the two women.

Serendipity was laughing, "It's alright, baby, we just wanted to play a joke. Come on now, there's no need to get all defensive. We got you, you have to admit." 

Bran frowned and the woman went over to him, stroking his arm affectionately. He bent down to kiss her and pointed at Gamlen.

"You smug son of a bitch," he grumbled, "You're going to get caught, you know."

"As you will too, my friend," Gamlen laughed, "You two run along. Maybe you can salvage your evening yet, hm?"

Serendipity smiled at him and Bran shook his head. They ran off, his lover giggling as they snuck out of the house.

Merrill went over to hit him herself and Gamlen caught her.

"Just a little fun," he murmured, "Leandra kept going after me. She was insisting I was too happy and must be seeing someone. I wanted to throw her off the scent. I only picked her because she was happily spoken for, I could scare the shit out of an old friend, and I knew no one would piss my sister off more."

Merrill frowned and Gamlen said softly, "I've touched a nerve, haven't I?"

Merrill shook her head, "I'm fine."

She kissed him hard and he laughed into her mouth.

"You've gotten brazen, pet. They could catch us."

"That woman can lecture for days," Merrill joked, "We've got time."

Gamlen kissed her back and pushed her against the wall. He slid her dress up just enough, his hand cupping her ass as he kissed her hungrily. 

"I missed you this morning," he groaned, his cock rubbing hard against her thigh.

"I missed you too," she admitted, "I kept thinking about you, about this. He can't give me all I need. I need you. I need you hard and thick in me. No one can get me off like you can. You make me scream."

He slipped her panties down and she slapped away his fingers, grabbing his cock in her hand and pulling him towards her entrance. He entered her quickly, burying himself in her. She moaned, holding onto him. His hand went to her mouth and covered it as he thrust. She kissed against his fingers, licked his hand as he worked. He leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"You're going to come see me tonight," he growled, "I need to rip this dress off of you with my teeth. Then I'm going to eat you out until you come so many times you forget your own name."

She cried underneath his hand, grinding into him desperately. She could hear their footsteps near. She knew she should stop, but she needed so badly this release. She came and he slammed into her, so hard it hurt, pounding into her quickly before he spurted into her. They kissed quickly before returning to their seats, trying to look presentable when the other two came back to the room.

"Sorry, my love," Hawke said, kissing her flushed cheeks, "I lost track of time. Have the other two left?"

Gamlen replied calmly, "Sadly the Seneschal had much work to do this evening and my dear love had to get back to the Chantry. She does so much charitable work, after all."

His eyes still smoldered to her and she tried not to think of his seed still between her legs and she desperately tried to keep it in her, fearing their secret would literally spill out of her.

"It is getting late," Leandra said, her eyes narrow as she looked at the pair of them, "Did you say something to the Seneschal? I thought we were hitting it off, it's strange that he ran out like that." 

Gamlen said kindly, "He is a dutiful man. He said how much he enjoyed himself this evening. I'm sure he'll call on you soon. It would be a good match, I think."

Leandra blushed, "You flatter me. Oh well, it is late. Perhaps its time for us all to retire."

Hawke asked nicely, "Gamlen, would you escort Merrill home? You live so close by each other and I worry about her so."

Gamlen nodded, "No trouble. I'll wait by the door. I'm sure you want to say goodbye to your paramour in private."

Gamlen chuckled as he went to the entryway, chatting with his sister. Merrill turned her attention to Hawke, who smiled softly at her.

"Sorry, my love," he apologized, "I didn't mean to leave you with that brute for so long. I hope he didn't give you any trouble. Mother and I just needed to chat, that's all."

Merrill's heart skipped a beat, "Is everything all right?"

Hawke beamed, "Everything is just fine. I love you. You know that, right?"

Merrill smiled in return and kissed him, leaning into his touch as he cupped her face.

"I love you too," she said, "Thank you for such a lovely evening...it was...magical."

She escorted her to the door and they said their goodbyes before walking out in the streets together. They had only made it around the corner before Merrill pulled him into the alleyway, pushed him against the wall and pulled down his pants. She knelt, taking him into her mouth. He groaned, panting as he held her head down. When he was hard enough, he flipped her on her back and entered her, still wet from her slick and his seed. He thrust into her hard, taking his time as he held her head from the brick. They paused as a light went past them, and they caught their breath before the patrol kept going, leaving them once again in the dark. They kissed hungrily before continuing, his hands grasping at her hair, twisted it until she called out. He kissed down her throat, his breath hot and wet against her skin. 

She came again, her body sore and aching, his cock still hard inside of her as he pounded into her, his entire body moving into the thrust. She felt herself building up again as he came inside of her.

They held each other as they dressed as best as they could.

"Take me home," she demanded.

He only groaned in return, "You'll be the death of me yet."


	7. Chapter 7

"You just went away," Merrill protested, "And this time you're going vacationing in Orlais?"

"It's not a vacation, it's business," Hawke explained, packing his suitcase.

"I could still come along. You used to bring me all the time on these little adventures. You know I can handle myself just fine."

"I'm playing at being a noble," he stated, "You hate those sort of things. And it could get dangerous, I don't want you in harm's way."

"This is ridiculous," she rolled her eyes, "I'm not some delicate flower."

"But you are to me," he murmured, coming to her side, "Merrill...if anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself. I love you. Of course you can come with me, but just...just trust me on this one, okay?"

Merrill frowned but nodded, letting him kiss her on the forehead. 

oOoOo

"Are you sure he didn't say anything more than that?" Isabela asked in confusion.

"Nope," Merrill complained, drinking from her fruity concoction, "I'm telling you, he just told me to trust him."

"As I always say, never trust a man that says trust me," Isabela advised, finishing off her pint, "Come on, now, the man's hiding something."

"Has he talked to you?"

Isabela laughed, "He doesn't talk about his love life, you know that. The man's more knotted up about sex than a cherry stem in a prostitute’s mouth."

Merrill was confused by the expression and turned to look behind her, seeing a sex worker literally pull out a cherry stem, now tied in a bow, from her mouth. She shook her head and turned around again.

"Maybe he's buying you a present," Isabela guessed, "He's not so shy showing you off around the nobles now and he's been extra lovey dovey lately, even I can tell that. Maybe, maybe he's buying you an engagement ring. I hope he didn't ask Aveline for advice on that one...I can only imagine..."

Merrill laughed, "I don't think so. We've been together for ages now and he's never talked about actually marrying me. Like abstractly, but never in practice. It's okay, I don't need to get married to him. I'm happy how things are now."

Isabela raised an eyebrow, taking a drink, only to remember her glass was empty.

"I'm going to go get a pitcher of whatever it is I was drinking and I'm going to let you rethink that answer because I'm pretty sure you're lying to me about something. You've got about a minute and a half. Two if that guy over there tries to hit on me."

Merrill sighed as she left, fidgeting. She had half made up her mind to deny everything for awhile longer, but the minute Isabela sat down, she blurted the truth out.

"I'm having an affair," Merrill whispered.

Isabela paused and raised her eyebrows, "Wasn't expecting that, I have to say. How long?"

"Maybe seven months," Merrill muttered, looking away from her.

Isabela concentrated, clearly doing the math in her head, and then her eyes widened.

"You've only been sleeping with Hawke for seven months," Isabela laughed, covering her mouth, "Was it that awful you had to go out immediately and find someone else? Damn, girl, that's impressive."

"You don't hate me?" Merrill asked in concern.

"No," Isabela smiled kindly, "We all do stupid things. I mean...that's a long time though. I'm a little shocked no one has figured it out yet. Not Hawke though. He's a little innocent, makes you quite a good pair...wow. Okay. So...is it serious?"

Merrill replied honestly, "I don't know. It's not really anything too emotional, he's just...Isabela, the sex is so good. I mean, Hawke is getting better and he's trying...but this man, I had no idea. It's just...it honestly blows my mind. I've been trying to stay away from him, but I just can't get him off my mind."

Isabela grinned, trying to keep a straight face, "Well, I'll be damned. Okay. So hot steamy sex for half a year with someone you don't have feelings for while you been having mediocre sex with someone you love."

"Mediocre may be too kind," Merrill admitted, drinking deeply into her glass.

Isabela nodded, "Okay. So...things are good the way they are. You're happy?"

Merrill sighed, "No. It's just not fair. Why can't I have both with one person, you know? Why can't he just make me feel this way? And if I ever fell in love with Ga-"

Merrill cut herself off and Isabela's eyes widened again.

"You have to end it," Isabela whispered.

Merrill replied nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about. I meant Garrett. I meant I'd refall in love with him. Gary? Gary the dock worker? Gareth? Umm..."

Isabela leaned forward and took her hands in hers, "People have affairs. It's not pleasant, but it's a reality. People move past them, its fine. But if just said who I think you were about to say and you're serious about Hawke, you need to end it now. Kitten, you won't be able to move past that. He's not going to be able to forgive that. I think you know it. And yes, he's a little slow on the uptake, but he'll figure it out one day or someone else will and tell him. God. I heard he was sneaking around with some elf from the Alienage all over town, the Blooming Rose wouldn't stop talking about it, but I couldn't have ever guessed-"

"Please don't say anything," Merrill pleaded.

"Of course I won't," Isabela murmured, "You know if I had to pick between you and Hawke, I'd pick you. And I understand, from what I've heard about that man...sorry, this isn't the time for that. But I'm saying this as a friend. Especially if Hawke does come back planning to propose. You need to end it. I'll buy Hawke all the sex manuals money can buy, I promise. You just go over there and you end it."

Merrill wiped a tear from her face, "You're right...I'm so stupid..."

"You're not stupid," Isabela smiled, patting her on the cheek, "You're young. You're discovering sex and love and all that good nonsense. I just want you to be happy. I'm worried in the long run this isn't going to make you happy."

Merrill nodded, "I'm going to go right now, before I change my mind."

She finished the rest of her drink before standing and hugging Isabela. Isabela held her to her protectively and whispered, "You got this. I'll be here if you need me."

oOoOo

Gamlen had finished bathing when he heard the door open. He walked forward, curiously, drying his hair. He was surprised when he saw Merrill standing on the step, fidgety. 

"Can I come in?" She asked, "It's a little chilly out here."

He nodded, putting his arm around her as he led her in. He closed the door and pulled up a chair before his meager fireplace.

"I'm just making some tea," he said, "I'll get you a cup."

He put on the rest of his clothes before taking the kettle off the stove. He poured two mugs and brought them over to her, sitting on the floor beside her.

"What's wrong, pet?" He asked, "I haven't seen you in two weeks. I was worried the boy actually learned how to use his tongue."

Gamlen chuckled at his own joke, but stopped, seeing tears in her eyes.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispered, holding the mug in her hands.

His heart fell in his chest and he said, "Okay. That's fine. Go finish your tea, I'll go in the back. Just say goodbye before you go, alright? I have a coat in the back somewhere, I don't want you to catch cold."

"That's it?" She laughed, "After all this time, after everything..."

He stood in the doorway to his bedroom and said quietly, "I'm sure you have your reasons. I'm...curious, but that's your business. I've had fun, but if it's over, it's over."

"I think he's going to ask me to marry him," Merrill said, "I've suspected it for awhile, but I guess...he's gone away for the month, I think when he comes back, he's going to ask me."

"And you plan to say yes?"

"I love him," Merrill said softly, "You know that. And you know that if we're still...well. If he ever finds out, he'll never forgive me. If we're bonded, that's it. I can't be with another. Not ever. It's not just for him...it's for me."

He shook his head, "You're a fool, you know."

She stood angrily, "Am I supposed to take romantic advice from you? You seduced your own nephew's girlfriend. You seduced me and...and...took advantage."

"If I did," he said quietly, "I never meant to. I only took what was given. If you regret this, fine. But at the time, it was what you wanted. Don't lecture me, girl. You think if you marry him it'll fix everything, but it won't. It doesn't make every other problem go away. Marriage makes it harder."

"How would you know?"

"I was married."

Merrill froze and he continued, "My parents died when I was 19 years old. I hadn't had a childhood, I had spent the last five years taking care of them. That was my life. When Leandra wouldn't come back, it was just me. I had money I didn't even know what to do with. I had no idea how to be a royal. So I pissed it away. I slept with every worker in the Blooming Rose...more than once. I drank everything I could see, gambled and bribed for four years...and then I met Mara. And Maker, Maker I tried. She was a scullery maid, I met her at a royal ball. And I fell in love with her. I proposed to her a few days later and she laughed and said yes. We married the next week, just us in the forest. We were happy for a few months. But I was still me. I was still drinking far too much and having sex with every thing with legs. We were married 4 months when she left me. I was stone cold sober, the only time I was sober in weeks. I gave her the rest of my coin and wished her well. I didn't go after her...I knew that there was nothing I could promise her because I knew it wasn't going to change."

Merrill asked, "Do you still love her?"

He smirked, "Some days. I think now if I ever saw her again, I'd be happy, but I don't think I would want to be with her. Love doesn't just go away. I'll always love her, even if I haven't been in love with her for years."

"Why did you change then?"

He laughed, "Poverty. I stopped drinking a few months later after I moved in here. The rest, I slowly gave up. I had a lot of time to think and no money to spend. I've never been good with coin. It's better for me to have less of it."

He shook his head, "You should go, pet. I hope you do make it work. You deserve to be happy."

He watched as she walked towards him, gingerly. She leaned forward and kissed him, softly. He melted into her touch, surprised at the feel of her against his skin. He let himself be led into his bedroom, let himself be stripped of his clothes. She undressed, standing naked in the moonlight. He was gentle as he brought her into the bed with him, kissing her softly. 

This was the last time, he knew. He knew that as he entered her, as her kisses grew more and more erratic under his touch. She was entwined with him, even as she raised herself on top of him. They moved together, slick with sweat, his arms and legs around her. He came first, crying out. She moved him in and out of her, a gasp coming from her lips before she stilled in his arms. They rested their foreheads together before a last kiss.

He could not bear to walk her to the door, nor to watch her leave. He did not like that it was over, even if it had run its course. He didn't like seeing her so sad.


	8. Chapter 8

Merrill said yes when he asked her three weeks later, wearing the emerald on her hand with pride. He had picked it out himself abroad, only with Aveline assisting a little. Merrill had felt deliriously happy, even enjoying their celebratory lovemaking that evening. 

She let Leandra plan everything, not particularly caring about any details. She wanted to make her future mother-in-law happy and was just thrilled to spend the rest of her life with the man she loved. Hawke had seemed distant, but was still pleased to be going through it all with her.

It was on the eve of the engagement party three months later when Merrill started to have doubts. She knew better than to share her concerns. It was not the time nor place. Soon there would be cake and presents and all of their friends. She would feel better soon. 

oOoOo

Gamlen was not entirely sure what one brought as a present to the engagement party of ones nephew and ones former lover. He ended up with a knife block, hoping none of the blades that went in it would end up being used on him. Still, he had done as was asked. He hadn't seen Merrill in nearly four months and while he certainly missed their couplings...well, more than missed, as the workers at the Blooming Rose could attest...he was perfectly fine with the arrangement. Relationships ended. People moved on.

He mingled with the others in the room, politely saying hello to a few obscure relatives and those Leandra sought to impress. She had outdone herself, truly embracing her new daughter-in-law in order to hide her own prejudice. He personally wasn't buying it, but she seemed to have convinced the others. 

He heard glasses clinking and he looked up, seeing the group clap their hands as the happy couple descended the stairs. The two were hand in hand, smiling earnestly as they walked together, the stone on her ring glinting in the candlelight. His heart stopped as her dress shifted slightly, straining over her hip. 

He looked around at the crowd's reaction and saw nothing other than cheer. Was he imagining it? Had he just forgot completely what she looked like? 

He drank his goblet of wine and went back into the crowd. The drunker he was, the easier this night was going to be. He stayed by himself, drinking himself into a stupor beside Seneschal Bran, who was still avoiding the advances of Leandra.

"You could just tell her, you know," Gamlen commented.

"Yes," Bran muttered into his ale, "Sorry Leandra, I can't marry into your wealthy family because I'm secretly seeing an elven sex worker with a penis. Yes, surely, I will invite you to the wedding. Perhaps you'd like to be godmother to our children."

Gamlen giggled drunkenly into his glass. He flushed at his laugh, only to see Bran laugh beside him. 

Leandra returned to their side and they cleared their throats.

"Come on now, boys," she flirted, "There are many ladies without a dance partner, it's hardly fair for you to keep yourselves back here. Come on, now, join the reel."

They did so, if only to regain their composure. Gamlen lost track of Bran, finding himself partnered with a much younger woman, who looked at him with disdain. He didn't blame her. He was pretty disgusted with himself right now too. When the dance was over and the woman not so politely excused herself, Gamlen made his way to the balcony, ignoring a couple making out in the corner, and he tried to drink his cup of wine in peace.

"I thought you stopped drinking."

He turned, smirking at the sight of Merrill in her long white evening gown.

"I told you, if it's on someone else's dime, I don't mind breaking sobriety."

The couple dispersed, giving them dirty looks as they went back inside.

"How have you been?" She asked, coming to lean beside him on the railing.

"Fine," he replied, "Investments are going well, I've finally managed to stop that leak in the spare room. I won twenty silvers at poker the other night, so that was nice-"

"If you're not going to be serious," Merrill huffed, "Then I shouldn't bother."

He grasped her arm lightly as she turned to leave, "When were you going to tell me?"

"About what?" She asked in confusion.

He glanced down at her belly and her eyes widened.

"'I've barely told a soul, how do you-"

"I know you," he murmured, "I've seen you naked a hundred times. I know every inch of your skin. So forgive me for noticing a few more inches. How far along are you? Maybe two months or so? Should I be congratulating my nephew or was this the reason things you've been speeding along? I'm surprised he managed to pull this off."

He flinched when she slapped him, but returned to his glass of wine.

She looked close to tears and whispered, "You...you awful, awful man. Can't you just be happy for me? For him? What does it matter to you? I'm part of your family now. I know you think that means you can stomp all over me, but I'm not letting you. This is my night. I was trying to be kind."

"What aren't you telling me?" He asked as she turned to leave.

She didn't reply as she slammed the door behind her. 

He resisted at first, but finally went after her. He stopped at the top of the stairs, seeing her reach Hawke's side. His hand was protectively on her hip and she leaned into him happily. He leaned on the railing of the second floor, looking down at the scene below them. He glanced up, seeing Isabela come to lean beside him.

"Love is strange, isn't it?" She said, handing over her bottle of wine, "One minute it's all fun and games, next it's getting drunk and finding a nice place to take a nap."

Gamlen chuckled, drinking from her bottle. 

"I'm heading over to the Rose after this," she invited, "I think I need some stress relief after all this nonsense. You want to come with?"

He thought about it and shook his head, "I think I'm going home."

Isabela hesitated before patting his hand, "Okay."

He stayed, drinking her bottle of wine until the party died down and the others were starting to head home. He felt far too drunk to walk home without giving his wallet and shoes away to the first person who asked and looked around downstairs for a place to sleep it off. 

He found an empty lounge in the study and curled up, putting his jacket over his shoulders. He tried to close his eyes, his head spinning. He woke only once in the night, hearing Hawke say goodnight to Merrill as she went to stay in a guest room. 

He thought about going to her, but he decided against it. What he really needed was a good night's sleep.

oOoOo

Merrill woke up, nausea hitting her strongly. She ran to the bathroom and vomited in a bedpan before she could even think. She lay on her side on the cool floor and tried to regain her breath. She hoped Garrett would have heard her and come in shortly, but she remained alone, cursing his deep sleep. 

She found herself drifting off again on the floor, but she cleaned up the mess, rinsing out her mouth before going back to bed. The dog was curled up now in her blankets and she smiled, curling in beside him. The winter was growing cold. It was nice to have someone warm beside her again.


	9. Chapter 9

She woke sleepily in the morning, seeing Orana at the door, bringing her tea and toast.

"Mistress said you weren't feeling well last night," she said kindly, "She asked me to bring you something to eat in bed."

"Thank you," Merrill sighed, drinking the tea slowly.

"And if I might, mistress, may I recommend the peppermint tea. It may help."

Merrill smiled hesitantly, "Thank you."

"They will realize soon enough," Orana warned in a whisper, "It is best to get these things out in the open, before there are...misunderstandings."

Merrill's heart skipped a beat. She knew. She knew everything. Orana put a finger to her lips before she left, carrying the tray with her.

Merrill ate quickly before putting on a house coat, her fingers lingering slightly before she tied it too tightly. She went downstairs, seeing Leandra, Hawke, and Gamlen all down already to breakfast.

"Feeling better, my love?" Hawke asked, rising to kiss her cheek.

She smiled, squeezing his hand, "Much better."

She sat, eating a little more, avoiding Gamlen's gaze. He left with little fanfare, leaving the three of them alone. Hawke went to help clean the dishes in the kitchen and the two women sat across from each other.

"How far along are you?" Leandra asked.

Merrill went pale before replying, "I do not know-"

"I had three children," Leandra reminded, "I'm not stupid. Come on, now. Be honest with me so I can help you. How far along?"

"I'm entering my second," she said quietly, "I swear, I had no idea when we got engaged-"

"I believe you," Leandra said, rising to her feet, "Does he know yet?"

She shook her head, "I didn't want him to worry."

"Good," she said quietly, "We will settle this then. You'll return to the Dalish until the child is born, where you will give the child to one of the families. Most likely the child will be a mage, they'll find value in that, or at least pawn him off to another family. We'll have the wedding upon your return. Garrett will not visit to you, but you may write to him and I will give suitable letters to him. You are free to tell him upon your return."

"What in Creators name are you talking about?"

"Do you know what people will say?" She hissed, "This marriage already is an embarrassment to this family. I've taken a great risk by permitting this. You both should have been more careful, but the blame must rest with you. It is a woman's duty to take care of these things if discretions happen. I would not stop you from ending this pregnancy, but that must be among your own kind. No Andrastian would do so in this city for you."

"I need to go," Merrill whispered, tears streaming down her face.

"He will see reason, even if you tell him now," Leandra warned, "It will protect all three of you. A bastard child is loved by no one, not even his parents."

Merrill said nothing, leaving the Estate without another word. She wandered in the snow, finally arriving at Gamlen's home. She knocked at the door, shivering. He said nothing as he brought her inside and put her before the fire. He placed a blanket over her and sat beside her, saying nothing.

"I'm sure my sister has said something maddening," Gamlen finally said, "I'll go talk some sense into her. Someone needs to remind how long Garrett was born after she was married."

He started to rise, but she grasped his hand, gently touching his skin.

"It's yours," she confessed.

He sat back down, staring at her, "What did you say?"

"It's yours," she said again, "That night...the night we said goodbye. I never got my blood after that. Not even after he came home weeks later. It's yours."

She placed his hand on her belly and she felt his pulse race through her.

"You shouldn't have told me," he murmured, moving to the other side of the room, "Garrett looks enough like me, no one would have known. I'll talk to Leandra, she'll see reason. We'll get her that Chantry wedding she's always wanted and you can play house in the big fancy mansion. The kid will never want for anything."

"But...its yours..."

"That doesn't make me a father," he said, ire in his voice, "What did you expect? I have nothing. I am a despicable man. Do you know how many women I slept with since you left me? I've actually lost count. I barely have a penny to my name and I've destroyed the only real relationship I've had in my life. You don't even love me, you don't even care about me. You have this romantic idea that I can save you right now and I can't. I can't. So you go back home and we'll fix this. And then we forget this. It's over."

She stormed out, slamming the door behind her. She threw the blanket aside in the snow, rushing the last few feet into her own home. She closed the door and sat on the floor, flinging her ring across the ground. She shivered, the cold stone floor stealing her last body heat.

She heard the door open and shut. She looked up, seeing Gamlen stand before her. She stood and he caught her in his arms, kissing her hard. He pushed her back against the wall, her body aching for his touch. 

"It's never over," he groaned.

They tore at each other's clothes, tossing them in a heap on the cold floor. They barely made it to the bed before he was inside of her. They fell together on the edge as he thrusted, holding onto her desperately. She felt utterly full, her belly pulsing pleasantly as waves of pleasure hit her again and again.

Nothing. Nothing felt as good as this did. She would lie, cheat, steal, anything for the feeling of his cock inside of her. She would have his child. She would have a hundred of his children if it meant this would not end.

She whimpered as she came, burying her head in neck, her nails digging into his back as his orgasm met hers. They moaned together, falling into the bed, his hand protectively holding her to him. 

"Marry the son of a bitch," he hissed in her ear, "Let him think this child's his. I don't give a shit. But know that you're mine."

She kissed him hungrily, entwining her body with his. She longed for him still, her hunger still not sated. She would never stop wanting him.


	10. Chapter 10

Gamlen gave her away at the wedding, a small ceremony in the Chantry after hours. The gesture was considered sweet, not knowing the two of them had sex in a confessional only moments before. Merrill had still a lovely flush in her cheeks when she became a wife. He found it irresistible. 

The next time Hawke was away on business, Gamlen stayed over, pretending to be dutiful for his sister and the new bride. Instead he had spent most of the time taking Merrill from behind, his hand protectively on her belly, taking great pleasure that no one was aware that he was carrying his child. They both felt like they were practically flaunting their relationship and it was the talk of much of Lowtown. But no one had clued in and they spent much of her pregnancy happily screwing, both of them incredibly aroused by the other.

Merrill was felt incredibly lucky in the last few days of her pregnancy. She had pretended to be a month further along than she actually had been, thinking that it was easier to fake a late baby than a fully grown premature one. The baby was kicking regularly and appeared healthy and strong. She had been able to be at their home, the whole world knowing that she was Hawke's wife and the mother of his soon to be born child. Which was mostly true. Gamlen had no interest in being a father and Hawke was over the moon. At the same time, Garrett was terrified of sexual activity with her in such a "delicate" state and Gamlen couldn't get enough of her. 

Truly, win-win.

Hawke was with her when the labour pains began. He ran for Anders, the world becoming a blur around her as she found herself in their bedroom only with Anders, Leandra, and Isabela. She felt in a daze, even in the pain. She wanted Garrett there, but the traditionalist had refused to step past the threshold, annoyed even that Anders was in there and not a female healer.

But when her son was born, kicking and screaming, she didn't care about anything else. She cried, holding him in her arms, kissing him all over. She wouldn't let go of him until the afterbirth came and Anders finally convinced her to let him look him over. 

Hawke came into the room, pleased as punch, kissing everyone on the mouth until he finally put his son in his arms.

"We should name him Malcolm, after dad," he said with a soft smile.

A pang of guilt hit her and she said, "Can we name him Tamlen?"

Hawke smiled, sitting on the bed beside her, "Of course, love. Tamlen Hawke. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Merrill said nothing, curling into him, aching to hold her child again. She was in love with every bit of him, every puff of hair, every little toe, every little eyelash. In her mind, the father didn't matter then. He belonged only to her. 

Gamlen did meet his child though a few days later, coming over for a Sunday dinner after claiming he had business meetings. Merrill entered the room slowly, smiling as she held him out to him. Hawke chatted excitedly, talking about how amazing it was to be a father.

Gamlen took Tamlen into his arms gently, saying nothing while he listened to Hawke. Leandra finally asked him what he was thinking.

Gamlen finally smiled politely, "He's a beautiful boy. He looks a little like father, don't you think, Leandra? It's in the eyes."

Merrill sighed happily, taking her baby back into her arms. Her heart raced as Hawke stood, walking to the dining room. The others went as well, Orana taking Tamlen unwillingly from her arms. Merrill rose weakly and Gamlen helped her up, following her towards the door. She felt him against her, his arms on her hips and his cock hard against her ass.

He whispered, "Whenever you're ready, pet."

She practically swooned, the last of her pregnancy hormones shooting through her body, her abdomen aching. She stepped out of the embrace, her mind racing as Gamlen adjusted himself and followed her into the dining room, calmly. His eyes smoldered throughout the meal, reminding her that within a few weeks, she would be all his again.


	11. Chapter 11

That night finally came two months later. They had found it difficult to find time alone now that Garrett was constantly in the room with her and the child. She had tried seducing her husband, but he believed that it was proper to wait at least six months before having sex again. At the very least. More perhaps because of their size difference. 

Varric and the gang of boys had finally convinced him to go on a night out. Merrill wished that her two lady friends would have offered the same, but someone had to stay home with the baby. That person turned out to be Isabela.

Isabela paced angrily, bouncing the baby in her arms as he cooed happily at her.

"Look," she said, "I'm all for you getting your rocks off, but seriously. Are you this desperate? You're putting your very child at risk with me so you can go shag dear old daddy."

Merrill frowned and Isabela laughed, "He's too little to understand any of that. Fine. If you're going to keep up with this, I'll help you, but I still think this is all a horrible idea. Just for the record."

"I'll be gone just a few hours," Merrill promised on her way out the door, "Just keep him happy. There's some milk in the cold room if he's hungry."

She hesitated and Isabela shooed her off, "We'll be fine. Go on then. I've got two servants to help me and possibly dear old mother-in-law if she ever gets home. You deserve a little something something."

Merrill giggled and grabbed her umbrella. The late summer rain was warm and pleasant as she stepped out, lightly sprinkling around her. She walked down the street, coming down to the Blooming Rose. She covered her face with the umbrella as she went in, blushing slightly. Hawke was at the Hanged Man and Leandra could feasibly be at either Gamlen's house or the Estate at any time. 

She went to the back, leaving the umbrella by the front entrance to dry. She entered the room, knocking first. She saw Gamlen lying on the bed, reading. He looked up at her with a smile. She closed the door behind her and went to his side. They held each other at arm's length before kissing lightly, the kiss growing deeper as they pulled towards each other. 

"I've missed you," she whispered.

He ran his hands through her hair before going to her gown, unlacing it slowly. She felt self-conscious, her body still round and soft from the pregnancy, a few new lines across her thighs. But as she was revealed, petal-by-petal, she felt more and more desirable. His face lit up as he held her at arms length, glancing over her body.

"We'll take it slow," he promised, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You sound like my husband," she joked.

He smiled half-heartedly before bringing her to the bed beside him. He tossed his own clothes to the side and simply held her to him. She snuggled into him, enjoying his company, but hoping for more shortly. 

Her body reacted when his hand slipped forward, touching her sex lightly. It still hurt slightly but she relaxed into his touch. He kissed down her neck as his fingers entered her, slowly. She gasped at the sensation, her body tensing. He left the bed and came back with a bottle of oil. He returned to her side, working slower, massaging every part of her until she relaxed further. He slid his fingers back in and she moaned, leaning into him.

His other hand went to her breast, massaging it lightly, some milk leaking onto his fingers. She started to apologize, but she heard him bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking it off. She felt close and she gripped onto his leg, her abdomen aching pleasantly. The orgasm was not as strong as it had been in the past, but it was still a relief to her. She flipped over, kissing him as she grinded her body against him.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered between kisses.

"I don't care," she protested, her hand reaching down to his erection.

He laid on his back, letting her set the pace as she guided him into her. He sat up slightly, curling his body around hers as she grew used to the sensation. She whimpered slightly and she raised herself, allowing him to coat his cock in more oil. She slid back down easier, feeling less friction. 

"You can't come inside of me," she warned as she moved, "You have to tell me when you get close."

"It worked out well last time," he chuckled, "You gave him a beautiful son."

"He won't have sex with me yet. I can't pretend it's his if he won't sleep with me."

She gasped, shifting slightly to brush him against the swollen mound. She panted, her legs still somewhat weak. He pushed up into her, aiding her movement. He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling her down towards him. He stopped, kissing her before pulling away. She whimpered in complaint as he left her side.

"I can't go much longer," he admitted, "It's been too long."

"I'm sure the ladies at the Rose have been keeping you busy enough these last few months."

"No," he said, "I was waiting for you."

Her heart flipped and she said softly, "You shouldn't have."

"Merrill, I-"

She got up before he could return to the bed, trying to catch her breath. He sat on the edge, looking at her intently.

"This can't happen," she said firmly, "We have an understanding. It has to be balanced. I love him. I do. I married him. I chose him. I could throw this all away, this is nothing. This is just fun. If you have feelings for me, then I..."

"Of course I care about you," he snapped, "We've been together almost two years. You had my son. How am I not supposed to feel something, anything, I'm not made of stone."

"You could have fooled me," she said quietly, "You call him your son. You weren't there when he was born. You don't get up in the night to feed him. You don't sing to him, you don't hold him-"

"Don't you think I want to?" He asked angrily, "Do you really think that I don't love you?"

Merrill froze and said quietly, "Take it back."

He laughed out of surprise, "What?"

She said, "Take it back. Let's forget any of this happened. We have a good thing here. We're both getting what we want, we shouldn't play around with it. We're both just...we'll have sex, we'll feel better and just-"

"I love you," he said, coming to her side, "I don't give a damn who knows it."

She fought back tears before she kissed him. She had no idea how she felt, what rationalization she would come up with in the morning. But right then, all she could taste was his lips, feel his hands against her body as they fell into bed together. She didn't care about anything other than his breath against her skin. 

She knew she had to go, but she hesitated, seeing him lying peacefully in the sheets. He rolled over as she dressed and she leaned over, kissing him lightly.

He grasped her hand in his tenderly, saying nothing before she let go and walked out the door. 

oOoOo

She returned home, confused by the amount of city guards outside the door. She waved to Aveline, who came to her side.

"Maker, you're safe," she sighed, grasping her arms, "Get inside."

"Where's Garrett?" Merrill asked in panic, "Where's the baby?"

"Tamlen is upstairs with Isabela. Hawke is out with my men. Leandra's missing. We thought you were too. I'll inform the guards we've found you. Get inside. We don't know what we're dealing with, but it's not going to be good."

Merrill raced inside, grabbing her child from his cradle. Isabela rose from her chair, stroking her back.

"They're going to be fine," she promised, "Go clean up."

"I'm not leaving him," Merrill said, holding the baby close to her chest.

"Okay," Isabela conceded, "Okay. Try to relax. Hawke will be back soon. I'm sure he's on his way right now. No one is going to hurt either of you. He won't let anything happen to his family."

Merrill remembered Gamlen still at the Blooming Rose and felt sick.

Merrill went to the rocking chair, holding Tamlen in her arms. Isabela sat beside her on the floor, holding her hand as they waited.

oOoOo

Merrill woke from her bed, hearing shouting. She got up, grabbing her staff from the floor and went out, only in her underthings. She opened the door and saw Hawke and Aveline screaming at each other in the hall. Upon seeing her, Hawke walked up the stairs and slammed the door behind him.

She put the staff down as he held her.

"My mother is dead," he whispered.

"Oh Creators," she murmured, stroking his hair, "Garrett, I'm so-"

She froze as he kissed her and she met his eyes. He kissed her again, his hands in her hair. He pulled her to bed, tearing open her clothes before loosening his belt. He pushed her to her knees and she kissed his hand before it returned to his pants, pulling them low enough to enter her.

She cried out, her body aching, unready for his touch. But she didn't care. This is what she had wanted for so long, this is what she needed. He gripped onto her hips like a mad man, slamming into her as he grunted.

She whimpered, his hand reaching to touch her clit, something he had done only a few times over the years. She cried out as she came, shaking painfully around him, and he growled, his hand grabbing her breast. He pushed her head down as he came inside of her, her face pressed into the sheets as she heard him scream her name. 

He withdrew and she gasped for breath, lying on his chest as he started to cry. She held him to her, kissing his face as he relaxed under her touch. She took his softening cock into her mouth and he groaned, encouraging her until he finally grew hard again. He pushed her down into the sheets, entering her without another word. He held her arms down as he worked, his face concentrated and twisted before he spilled into her again. 

He lay beside her, exhausted, whispering, "It's either this or drink all night."

She wanted to laugh, but she was too worried about him. It seemed everything had flipped upside down. She nodded, kissing his nose. He would wake her up twice more in the night, demanding satisfaction as he pounded her. Every fiber of her hurt in the most pleasant way possible and she slept dreamlessly.


	12. Chapter 12

She woke next to her husband, who nuzzled into her sleepily. She didn't want to wake him up, worried that once he started remembering what had happened, she would lose him all over again. She rose, putting on her nightgown when she heard a knock at the door.

"Mistress," Orana called out, "They've found Master Gamlen. Master Garrett wished to speak with him."

Hawke rolled over and muttered, "I'll be done in a minute."

He got up, still naked from the night before, whispering, "Maker, how I am supposed to tell him about this? Merrill...Merrill will you come with me?"

She shook her head, "It's too hard...I'm going to go check on Tamlen. I'm sorry, my love, I just can't do it."

He nodded and hesitated, "Baby...baby I'm sorry about last night. I was so rough with you and so demanding. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I know you're still healing."

She touched his chest and reassured, "I loved it. I loved every minute of it."

He smiled sadly, "You don't have to lie for my sake, love. I'll be better. I promise."

She wanted to scream at him but she considered the circumstances and let him walk out the door. She went to the nursery and picked up her son, feeding him in the rocking chair. She looked up, hearing a few angry shouts. Fearfully, she picked up Tamlen, still latched to her breast, and went out to the study.

She saw Gamlen on the other side of the room, smoothing his fist after apparently punching the wall. Hawke was beside him, but turned at the sight of her.

Self-consciously, she fixed her gown and covered her breast. She held Tamlen on her hip until Hawke took him.

"I did everything I could," Hawke growled, "You tell that son of a bitch that. He never listens to me. I did everything I bloody could and he calls me a murderer."

He carried Tamlen out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Gamlen did not turn from the wall, pounding on it a few more times. She went to touch his shoulder, but he threw her off.

"I understand that you're angry," she started.

He growled, "Don't start with me, girl. You don't understand anything."

"Then talk to me," she pleaded.

Gamlen grew closer to her and hissed, "My sister, my only sister is dead. Your knight in shining armour couldn't keep her safe because he was too busy getting pissed at the bar. And me...I couldn't help her, I didn't even know she was missing, because I was too busy screwing my nephew's wife in a brothel, trying to convince her that she should leave him for me. My sister is dead. It's my fault, it's his fault, and it's-"

"My fault too?" She protested, pushing him away, "It was a madman, some awful awful man, don't you blame him, don't you dare-"

He cupped her chin and examined her neck, pulling back her robe to look closer at her shoulder.

"You have a hickey," he said darkly, "I didn't give you that. You slept with him."

"He's my husband, he was afraid and scared-"

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?" He accused.

"Well," she said angrily, "Someone else couldn't finish the job last night, so I guess he had to take over. Five. Times."

He glared at her and hissed, "Congratulations. I see my work here is done. Enjoy your little lying life with him. I'm done. I can't be part of this anymore."

She panicked, "Don't go."

He hesitated and said softly, "Last night...I thought it was going to turn out very differently. I thought...I thought we could start anew, you and I. But you're never going to leave him. And I can't have half of you anymore."

"I need you," she pleaded. 

"I'm sure you'll manage to suffer through your nights with him," he sneered, "I guess it's what, tenth time the charm?"

She pounded her fists against his chest and he caught her in a kiss. She kissed him back, holding his head in her hands until he finally pulled away. He left the study and she heard him shout more at Hawke before he left, slamming the door behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

It was winter again, the first since Leandra had died. The Qunari threat had been vanquished and Hawke had emerged as the face of the city. She was under constant scrutiny, the nobles often spreading rumours about the Champion's foreign, common, elven wife. Tamlen grew, now nearly a year old. Merrill took great solace in her time with her son. She had hoped against hope that she might have another child, but her monthly bloods kept flowing. The first after Gamlen had left her had broken her heart. The rest that followed were mere reminders.

Hawke was rarely home, often out all night helping the citizens of the city or assisting to help rebuild the Chantry. So he said. Their love life had decreased further, happening only occasionally. At times it was pleasurable, if never truly earth shattering. It was enough. Their family was strong, stable, and she worked often in her old home, her child playing by her feet as she studied the old texts and attempted to repair the broken mirror. 

On that winter's night, they were going back home to Hightown, Tamlen buried in her layers of shawls and scarves, strapped to her chest. She fixed her boots the best she could, but her feet had widened somewhat after the pregnancy, something only noticeable now that she was once again dependent on shoes. The winds were picking up and the snow was growing thick around them. She cursed herself for leaving her house, she should have just stayed over, as she had so many times in the past months. 

Tamlen started crying as they went through the crowds and she pulled him tighter to her, ignoring the leering eyes of some of the dock workers, now freshly drunk from cheap tavern ale. She saw a pair follow her and she picked up pace. She knew she could use magic to protect them, but she couldn't let go of her son or risk detection. She looked ahead and saw the light on in Gamlen's house. In fear, she ran ahead, opening the door and shutting it in the face of her stalker. Gamlen stood up without a word, grabbing his wallop mallet off the wall and chasing them out into the street, cursing them with several words Merrill had not heard of before.

He locked the door behind him and put the mallet back on the wall, ignoring her.

"They'll be gone in a few minutes," he said, getting his coat, "I'll get either the dwarf or the pirate to walk you back home. You should get him a hat, you know. You lose a lot of your body heat through your head, or so that Anders keeps telling me."

"Please don't go."

"You can take care of yourself," he replied, "I was just worried about the boy."

"Is that all you're going to say?" She whispered.

"There's nothing else to say. Nothing's changed."

Tamlen babbled happily and Gamlen smiled down at him. 

"You should stay," he said quietly, "The storm's getting worse and it's late. I...I would worry about you both."

The wind howled against the house and she nodded, following Gamlen into his bedroom. She lay on top of the blankets, holding a sleepy Tamlen to her. Gamlen returned, putting another quilt on top of them.

"You should stay too," she said quietly, "You'll catch your death out there."

Gamlen stayed fully clothed, lying on the other side of Tamlen, the sleeping child sighing happily between them. Merrill closed her eyes, trying to rest. In the middle of the night, she got up to find a drink of water, and returned, seeing Gamlen hold his child in his arms protectively, the baby smiling in his sleep.

She frowned and went to the spare room, curling up in the bed Hawke used to sleep in, years before. When she found she couldn't sleep, she went back to Gamlen's bed and fell asleep.

She only woke when she heard the door slam open and she jumped up with her hands in the air, shouting, "It wasn't me!"


	14. Chapter 14

She heard Hawke laughing as he came in, cleaning his shoes off at the door. She heard Max barking as he ran in, immediately licking off Tamlen's face while the baby giggled.

Hawke smiled, "There you are! I looked for you in the Alienage and then started walking back. Then I realized Gamlen might have taken you in. Thanks, uncle...it's good to see you. I've missed you."

Gamlen said gruffly, "It's good to see you're in one piece. You take better care of your woman."

Hawke put his arm around Merrill as she tipped her toes up to kiss him. Hawke smiled weakly. He took her by the hand before scooping up Tamlen.

"You should come over for dinner," Hawke said kindly.

Gamlen nodded, "I'll think about it."

The Hawkes left in the deep snow, making their way back to the Estate. He squeezed her hand and said softly, "There's something I need to talk to you about when we get home."

Her eyes widened. Had he figured it out? Now? She and Gamlen hadn't been anywhere near each other in six months. Had he finally clued in after seeing her in his bed?

The rest of the walk home was near silent, besides a few happy babbles from Tamlen. They entered the Estate, the servants taking their winter clothes from them and Orana bringing in Tamlen to the kitchen to eat. 

Hawke took Merrill's hand and led her into the library. He gestured for her to sit down and he paced back and forth, his hand in his hair.

"I've meant to talk to you...Maker, this is so hard..."

Merrill said quietly, "Whatever it is, we can handle it."

Hawke said gently, "We both know this isn't working, not for awhile now. It was a bit better after Tamlen was born, but now...I feel like we're drifting apart. Do you feel the same?"

Merrill didn't know how to respond and she let him continue.

"I'm just going to come out and say it then."

Merrill's heart raced in her chest. This was it. She had rehearsed this in her mind on and off in the past two years. But all that ran from her mind as she sat there nervously.

"I'm having an affair," Hawke said.

Merrill started laughing, harder than she had in all her life. She couldn't stop laughing and Hawke frowned at her.

"Merrill, I'm serious."

"Of course you are," she laughed, the absences suddenly making sense, "Of course. How long?"

"Since the night Mother died. Aveline found me and we just...I felt so guilty, I came home and tried to make it work. I do love you, but we're just so different, and with her...with her it feels right. I love her, Merrill. I've loved her for a long time. It doesn't mean what we had wasn't real, just..."

Merrill was still laughing, covering her mouth to try to dampen the sound. She cleared her throat, trying not to smile.

Hawke continued, "She's left Donnic and I'm...I'll apply for the divorce. You'll get half of everything I own. Tamlen won't worry for a thing. I have responsibilities. She's pregnant, I have to look after her."

"So she won't be a single mother?" Merrill giggled.

"I'm serious," Hawke said angrily, "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and you're just laughing at me. It's over. I'm trying to be gentle. I'm in love with someone else. I'm leaving you. Don't you want to...beg me to stay? Anything?"

Merrill stood up and said softly, "No."

"I'm moving Aveline in here since Donnic's kicked her out. You can stay, but I thought you might go back to your place in the Alienage. I'll give you all the coin you need to spruce it up."

Merrill nodded appreciatively, "I can move us in tonight. I'll have Bodahn bring over the rest."

"Thank you," Hawke said kindly, "It means...it's so much easier than I thought. You've been good to me, Merrill. Better than I've been to you."

"I...I think I'd like to get packing," she admitted.

She left the room, not sure exactly what had just happened. She had been too tied up in covering her own affair she had never noticed her husband's. She thought to send Aveline some flowers. At least the pair of them would be happy. 

It didn't take long for her to gather enough to head back to her old home. Her son settled into her old bedroom, sleeping on her broken mattress. Hawke had given her 50 sovereigns on the way out the door. She would have to start buying actual furniture in the morning.

She heard a knock on the door and saw Gamlen through the peephole. Reluctantly she let him inside.

"Hawke asked me to keep an eye on you," he laughed, "The man is a complete and utter idiot. The sanctimonious, self-righteous idiot."

"Neither of us were happy, it's for the best," Merrill said, "He's a good man, he'll still take of us."

"Aye," he said, "I imagine he will. He's a generous idiot."

Merrill looked away and said, "This doesn't change anything. You're still his uncle, and I'm still technically married, I mean..."

Gamlen chuckled, "I'm not here to seduce you. I'm letting you know that I'm here. In case you ever find yourself needing someone."

She smiled and he kissed her cheek. He left and she shut the door, smiling as she leaned against it. This was the beginning of something new, something better. Maybe one day this could blossom into something real. One day, when Hawke and her had moved on, when she knew she could take care of her and her son on her own. 

But she knew that the minute she found a babysitter, she was going to break down that man's door and find some satisfaction.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, real talk: this chapter didn't exist in it's original "release" on FF. But I'm a sucker and need happy endings.

The first few weeks, they really only saw each other for sex. An absurd amount of sex. Even Isabela was complaining as it meant she had to try to entertain a small child in the Hanged Man. Eventually, they settled down and grew into a routine. Gamlen would take his son some days while Merrill worked on the house, her studies, and her mirror. She would come back to his place in the evenings, often finding Tamlen asleep while his father read to him. Sometimes Merrill would curl up in bed beside them and they would spend the night there. 

Not often though. She wanted to keep her boundaries. While Gamlen had not professed still feeling the same as he had months before, it still made her worry that they could easily fall into a serious relationship, one she was not at all ready for. She was still going through the process of the divorce and while Hawke was certainly supporting them financially, he spent less and less time with them. Tamlen would stay with him every other weekend or so, but that would change once the baby was born. 

One of those weekends, Merrill found herself sleeping over, even though they did not have the excuse of Tamlen being there. It was only two months after the divorce and weeks before Aveline's due date. Spring was starting in Lowtown, the flowers in the ditches just starting in bloom, the snow finally fading from the streets. 

She had woke beside Gamlen sleepily, the man holding her in his arms. She thought to move, but nuzzled into him instead. She couldn't stay long. Hawke could call on her any minute now and while they weren't together anymore, she knew it would still break his heart if he found out now. And she kind of wanted to see how long it would take him to figure it out. Everyone knew. She had even had a letter accidentally addressed to her as Merrill Amell the other day, which amused Gamlen greatly.   
Gamlen stirred from his own sleep, pulling her in closer. She remembered she was still naked from the night before, exhausted when he had finally had his way with her. She grinned, her hips still aching from his tough grip. She rolled over, kissing him. 

"I should go," she smiled, "I've slept in."

He held onto her, "But I'm not through with you yet. We still have awhile before Tamlen comes home. We should take advantage of it."

"Comes home to my house," she reminded, "I need to get over there and tidy up."

Gamlen chuckled, "Are you really worried what he thinks of you? Considering everything he's done?"

"I cheated first," she replied briskly, rising from the bed, "I need to go. You need to wake me up the next time I start falling asleep here."

"I like you being here," he replied, sitting up.

"My home is nicer than yours," she teased.

"If I had a rich ex-husband, my home would be nicer too."

"You would have the same Estate as his if you hadn't-"

She cut herself off and he frowned.

"Are you looking for a fight, pet?" He snarled, "Because I can give you a fight. It's not like neither of us can take the moral high ground here. It could be quite the show."

She sighed, "I'm sorry. This is why...look, I'm always going to care about Garrett. I'm always going to love him. He was my husband, he helped raise my child. He married me when everyone in his world told him not to. I just...I owe him this much. I don't want to flaunt this, rub his nose in it. And I just...I worry about-"

"Me," he replied quietly, "You worry I'll fall off the wagon. That if you give me a bronze, tomorrow I'll take a sovereign. Or one day I'll be unfaithful, start sleeping around again. I'll come home drunk, broke, and smelling like another woman. And then he'll think you're a fool and there will be not a single chance he'll take you back."

Merrill said nothing, dressing.

"I was in my twenties," he said angrily, standing up, "I made mistakes. I still make mistakes. You're not perfect either, you know? I'm trying, Merrill. I'm trying to be better. I have been faithful to you, even when we were apart after...after Leandra. I haven't touched a drink since Tamlen was born. I've cut down on gambling-I'm not a saint, I need some sort of vice. But I'm getting better. If I'm not the man you want, fine, but you keep coming back to me. It's not fair, Merrill. If you don't want me, just tell me. I'm not Hawke. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who's just going to take advantage of me."

She slapped him, her face red in anger.

"I told you what I needed," she whispered, "It's not my fault you want more. I don't owe you anything. Of course I'm scared. I have nothing besides the money Hawke gives me. I'm a single elven mother, an apostate, in this city. I can't let you mess up my son's life, or mine. I can't..."

He said nothing, watching her as she headed towards the door. He finally got the rest of his clothes on, walking her to the steps. He leaned in as if to kiss her, but thought better of it and left, leaving her to shut the door before going home.

oOoOo

Gamlen groaned when he closed the door. He was being a moron. He had promised himself, since Merrill had returned to Lowtown, that he would give her space. The poor thing was alone and scared and there was little he could say to comfort her. He wasn't exactly a great possibility for a husband-or whatever-and a father. He had years to make up for and a few months of being a decent human being wasn't going to convince her that he was suddenly a stable choice. He had gone on a self-destructive six-year bender simply for taking care of his parents for a few years. Just imagine what he would do after being a father for a few months.

He was trying to convince himself as much as her. 

He tried to get back to work, double-checking the numbers for the worker's paycheques at the Bone Pit. While his nephew was quite idealistic in managing the mine, he had little business sense and had offered to split his half-share with Gamlen if his uncle did the majority of the finances. Ironically despite his inclination towards gambling, he always had a talent for figures. It was honest work, steady work. It was a strange feeling for him.

After lunch, he heard a knock at the door. He smiled, hoping that Merrill would bring Tamlen over for a visit. He missed his son when he was away, even if he knew little what to do with an 18 month old. When he was older, he would teach him Wallop and he would tour him around Lowtown, showing off his boy. He shook his head out of his daydreams and opened the door, seeing his nephew and two women. 

Garrett stepped forward, bringing the rest in with him as Gamlen stepped out of the way. He saw Merrill nearby, holding Tamlen in her arms. He felt himself beam at her happily before turning to see Garrett, who was leading a young woman by the hand.

Gamlen sighed, "If you're leaving Aveline already, I really have to say-"

Garrett chuckled, "No, but I do have someone to introduce you to. Gamlen...this is Charade."

Gamlen's heart froze at the sight of her. He swallowed dryly. Charade smiled nervously, putting out her hand to shake. She couldn't be more than 18 at most. He didn't have to do the math.

"Your mother is Mara, isn't she?" Gamlen asked.

Charade nodded as he took her hand, holding it close to him.

"How is she?" He asked quietly.

"She's passed away," Charade said, "About three months now. I didn't know about you until a few weeks ago. My step-dad told me the truth. I was so little when they got married, I didn't know-"

"She's your daughter, Gamlen," Garrett said kindly.

"I figured that out, you idiot," Gamlen growled.

His voice softened as he said to her, "I didn't know. Maker, if I had known, I would have never have let her walk out that door."

Charade smiled, "It's okay. I had a really good childhood. And she was happy. I just wanted to get to know you. Brian told me all the stories she used to tell about you, how...frankly, how screwed up you were. But I thought I'd just kick myself if I didn't see if you really cared. Now I have cousins and another father...I'd just really like to get to know you better, that's all."

Gamlen clapped her hand before letting go, "Then you'll stay for dinner. We'll talk."

She nodded, "I'd like that."

"I have to get back to the Estate," Garrett said, leaning in to give Merrill a chaste kiss on the cheek, "Maybe she'd like to visit with the baby for awhile. It's good for him to meet more of his family."

Gamlen could see Merrill pale before Garrett left, closing the door.

Charade started laughing, holding her hand to her mouth.

"Okay," she beamed, "Let me hold my baby brother."

Gamlen chuckled, "You've never met me and you know that."

She waved him off before taking Tamlen into her arms, "I've been having people watch you for weeks. Brian said you were a drunken mess, I didn't want to bother unless I thought you might have grown up a bit. Besides, your tawdry affair is the worst-kept secret anywhere south of Hightown."

Charade smiled as Tamlen happily babbled to her, grasping at her hair. She danced around with him, making silly faces as he laughed. 

Merrill went to Gamlen's side and asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

Gamlen felt a tear run down his face as he nodded. She gave his hand a quick squeeze before she went to the kitchen. Gamlen pulled her away, laughing.

"My dear, if you cook, you might kill us all. I'll handle it."

oOoOo

Charade left after dinner, the four of them laughing and chatting as if Charade had been part of their family for years. Merrill escorted her to the door, the two chatting conspiratorially before embracing. After she left, Merrill went to grab her own things, picking up a sleeping Tamlen from the lounge.

"I should get going home," she said nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

"I'm sorry about earlier today," he apologized, "We keep having the same fight and it's not getting either of us anywhere. This is working. We're happy. We're getting what we want out of this."

Merrill replied quietly, "Yeah...I guess we are."

He met her at the doorway and kissed his son on the top of his head. They gazed at each other briefly, his hand lingering on her arm. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he respected her enough to be silent as she left. 

oOoOo

Gamlen woke just after midnight, the spring rain pounding down on the side of the house. He heard an incessant knocking at he rose, wearing only his underclothes. He opened the door, seeing Merrill, her cotton dress soaked to her skin. 

He pulled her inside in concern and asked quickly, "What's wrong? Where's Tamlen? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?"

She whispered, smiling, "I'm fine. He's fine. Charade's staying over with us, he's safe."

"You're shivering," he murmured, "Come on, I'll get you my robe."

"No," she said, grabbing onto his arm, "I came over to talk to you and I need to say it before I lose my nerve."

His heart pounded as she looked at him, her skin flushed, her lip trembling.

"I love you," she whispered, "All this time, I kept pushing it away, even when you said you...Gamlen. This can't work. If we did this for real, we'd just make each other miserable."

"We've been together for years," he laughed, "What would be different?"

He meant it as a joke, but Merrill started crying. He held her to him before picking her up into his arms. He carried her towards the bedroom and laid her in the blankets, going to find her some dry clothes. When he returned, she stood before him naked, her hair still dripping, her clothes tossed to the floor. Her look, her soft green eyes hurt and tired, drove him to kiss her. She tore at his clothes and they barely made it to the bed before his mouth was at her breast.

"Say that you love me," she demanded, his body cradling hers. 

He ignored her, his mouth trailing south until he reached her sex. He pushed her thighs apart and delved into her, his nose rubbing against her clit as he thrust his tongue inside of her. Her thighs clamped down around him, shaking as he worked.

"Tell me," she begged.

She gushed in his mouth as he worked harder, devouring her as she shook again around him, moaning loudly, her hands pushing down his head. He was too hard to continue, his cock throbbing with ache against the sheets. He flipped her on her knees, pushing into her quickly. She groaned as he pounded into her, his hand on her breast.

He grunted, his body aching yet unable to find release as she whimpered beneath him, his fingers gripping into her hip and breast as he thrust harder. She gasped, her knees shaking. 

She cried out as she came, her knees giving out. She slipped from him, lying on her back. He entered her again, pulling her legs over his shoulders. She screamed out as he pushed her chest down, pummeling as hard as he could. 

"Creators," she gasped, "Did you take something? This is...oh Gods..."

He was getting close and he slowed down, resting her legs around his hips before pulling closer to her. She threw her arms around his neck, their bodies joined in sweat as they panted together.

He sighed as he finally came, his body utterly relaxing as he spilled into her. They remained tangled in each other's arms, kissing deeply. 

"Of course I do," he whispered, "I'm...I'm not a romantic man. I don't know if I'm even a good man. But...if you'll have me, I'm yours. So...what do you want?"

He lay beside her, holding her to him.

She smiled cheerfully, "I want you to move into my place. I hate your house. It always smells like old cheese. We'll do up my place, build on an extension for Tamlen and the others-"

"So we have other children now?" He chuckled.

"Well, a few," she retorted indignantly, "It's not good for a boy to not have brothers and sisters. There's plenty of half-elves running around the Alienage, they'll fit right in. But I'll work on my restoration projects, you'll keep up the books. And...and we'll tell people. Well, Creators, they would have figured it out by then."

He thought this over briefly and said, "Okay."

She kissed him, rising from the bed, "I need to get back. Tamlen will be worried about me-"

He rose as well, "Then let me come with you."

"Right now?" She laughed. 

"I'm an old man," he teased, "I can't go waiting around. Let me pack a few things. I'll put my place on the market tomorrow. Let's go home."

She kissed him softly as he rose, grabbing his clothes. They dressed between kisses and Gamlen packed a bag of the first things he found. They walked out together in the rain, Gamlen holding his jacket over her head. He carried her over the threshold of the house as she giggled. 

He put her back down on her feet and took a sleeping Tamlen from Charade. He smiled, seeing Merrill and Charade working together to get some water boiling for tea.

He sat down in the rocking chair, finding himself dozing off himself. He wasn't sure if he had ever been so happy.


End file.
